As we wrote about previously, we were lucky to hear from Amy Cuddy at the CHIME CIO Fall Forum. During her talk she made this incredible comment which was captured in a tweet by Jonathan Fritz:
Warmth mistakes are costlier, more difficult to recover from than competence @amyjccuddy @CIOCHIME #CHIME16 #healthcare #HIT
— Jonathan Fritz (@TrepAttorney) November 2, 2016
If you’re a leader of any kind, then you’ve probably experienced this. As people, we’re extremely forgiving. That’s particularly true of mistakes where the person had no malintent, but for some reason they made a mistake. I guess we could call that a competence mistake. However, when someone makes a warmth mistake, that’s much harder to forgive.
We’ve all heard how important first impressions are to a relationship. When we first meet someone, is that a competence or a warmth test? You don’t know the person and so the first time you meet someone it’s an almost completely warmth experience. That’s what makes them so powerful, but also so costly if you do them wrong. First impressions really do matter and if you do it poorly it’s usually because you made a warmth mistake.
The great thing about these ideas is that it’s really not as hard as you think to avoid these type of warmth mistakes. The following three quotes from Amy Cuddy’s talk illustrate how just being present can do so much to help you avoid a warmth mistake.
'In high stakes social interactions, that's where it is most critical to be present' – @amyjccuddy #CHIME16
— Doug DeCoursey (@DougDeCoursey) November 2, 2016
This quote is so incredibly true. @amyjccuddy also said that Bill Ury always spends significant time listening before negotiating #CHIME16 pic.twitter.com/onaykNT3pE
— Doug DeCoursey (@DougDeCoursey) November 2, 2016
When you're present with people, those people are more present with you. #CHIME16
— John Lynn (@techguy) November 2, 2016
There’s a true power in being present with someone. I think most of us don’t realize how valuable this skill can be to your career. In fact, it’s extemely valuable in every part of your life. My favorite part about the concept of being present is that anyone can achieve it. Sure, there are some that are better at it than others, but we’re all capable of being present.
This holiday season, test it out on your friends and family. Notice the times when you’re present and how that impacts the people you are with. Notice the times when you’re not present and how that impacts the relationship. It’s a powerful concept for work and life.
